by backtobasicsmanners | Sep 19, 2021 | Uncategorized
by Deborah J Block, Certified Etiquette Coach
Manners can be taught at an early age if you stick to these basic concepts:
- Say Please. This shows consideration for others.
- Say Thank you. This shows appreciation and gratitude.
- Look people in the eye. This shows respect for others.
- Apologize. This shows empathy and that you are accountable for your actions.
- Smile and have a good attitude. This makes everything better for yourself and others.
- Ask questions of others. This shows interest in others' ideas and feelings.
- Say excuse me. This shows consideration for others.
- Compliment others. This make other people feel good.
- The true meaning of etiquette is always to show respect and kindness to everyone around you.
- Use please, thank you, and excuse me every day.
- How to hold your silverware correctly.
- How to properly use a napkin to wipe your mouth. (No sleeves!)
- How to chew with your mouth closed.
- No elbows on the table … (except between courses)
- Never interrupt an adult when they are speaking to someone else.
- Never comment on someone’s appearance unless it’s to say something nice.
- How to write a thank you letter.
- You must always help someone in need, particularly if they are less able than you are.
- How to introduce yourself and others properly.
- Be aware of positive body language and how to show it.
- Never to call an adult by their first name unless the adult instructs them to do so.
- Always knock on a door before opening it.
- How to answer a phone politely.
- How to make eye contact when speaking to another person.
- Don’t point or stare.
- Always cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing.
- How to invite someone to join a group if they are alone.
Sources:
The 20 Etiquette Lessons Every Child Needs to Know, by Caroline Hallemann, May 17 2017
11 Best Manners to Teach Children, by Kate Randall, February 2, 2021
by backtobasicsmanners | May 8, 2021 | Uncategorized
1) Mistakes:
Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and awkward moments happen. Try not to step on anyone else’s toes but have a good attitude if it happens. Smile, make a quick apology, and move on. Never accuse the other person of always being at fault. This makes you seem like an arrogant know-it-all. When things go wrong, apologize. If you bump into someone, or step on someone’s foot, tell them you’re sorry. Don’t just ignore them.
2) Conversation:
Chatting should be off the dance floor. If you’d like to talk, do it off the dance floor. The focus should be on dancing well and being aware of your surroundings. Invite your dance partner to rest and enjoy a beverage after the dance so you can chat and get to know eachother better. Dancing is nonverbal communication.
3) Dance Flow
On most ballroom floors, you will be expected to move in a counter-clockwise direction. If everyone complies, you aren’t as likely to bump into another couple. However, if you do, smile and apologize. This is not the place to have a chip on your shoulder and start a fight. Even if everyone moves in the same direction, you’ll have accidents. If you have a temper, practice apologizing and saying, "Excuse me," before you leave your house so you won’t embarrass your partner or the other couple when it happens on the floor. If you are a slow dancer, stay toward the center of the floor and leave the outer rim to the faster dancers. Don’t clog up the main line of dance. Cross the dance floor around the perimeter. Don’t cut through. I’ve seen people walk across the middle of the ballroom dance floor holding drinks. Not good.
4) Clean up your mess.
So, if you are carrying some drinks and you do spill something, clean it up before some dancer slips and gets hurt.
5) Personal hygiene:
Make sure you don’t have bad body odor or bad breath. Make sure you take a shower, brush your teeth, and have breath mints. You will be in close quarters, and you don’t want people holding their breath when they are around you. Use a deodorant that is strong enough to last as long as you’ll be dancing. Avoid smoking if possible. If you must have a cigarette, go outside, but before you go back in, pop a breath mint. Remember that the smells will linger on your clothing and in your hair.
6) Dance at your partner’s ability:
If you are an experienced ballroom dance leader dancing with a beginner follower, don’t expect her to do advanced moves. Build the dance. Start with easy stuff. Once you see that she’s with the timing and following easy patters, try advancing to more difficult ones. If she has difficulty doing one turn, don’t lead her in to a double turn.
7) Sneezing and coughing while dancing:
This does happen. Always sneeze or cough into the underside of your elbow. Do not sneeze into your hand and then ask her to take that hand for dancing.
8) Gum:
Don’t chew gum while dancing. This is annoying to your partner. ls like. It also doesn’t look elegant. Have you ever seen Fred Astaire chew gum while he dances?
9). Grooming and Attire:
Before you go to the dance, find out what the dress code is. You don’t want to show up in jeans to a white tie affair. Make sure you are wearing comfortable shoes since you will be on your feet most of the time, but don't wear sneakers.
10). Invitation to Dance:
In ballroom dance, it doesn’t matter who asks for the dance. It is perfectly acceptable for the man or the woman to approach the other. You don’t have to stay with your date either. Most dancers enjoy a variety of partners on the dance floor, so have an agreement with your date about how frequently you’ll dance with others.
11). Invitation to dance:
Use appropriate language to ask someone to dance. Avoid using cheesy pickup lines at a ballroom event. Here are some easy and to-the-point ways to ask someone to dance:
- May I have this dance?
- Would you care to dance?
- Would you like to waltz?
When you attend a ballroom dance, it’s generally good form to accept a dance with anyone who asks unless you have a very good reason not to. If you have already promised the dance to someone else, you are thirsty, you need to catch your breath from the last dance, or your foot is swelling, the person asking will understand.
If you ask someone to dance, and he or she declines, smile and say, “Thank you. Maybe later.” Don’t be afraid to ask again. However, if you are turned down three times in one evening, graciously take the hint and don’t ask that person again.
12). Show Appreciation:
After the dance is over, thank the other person and applaud all the dancers. The man should walk the woman back to where she was before the dance started, even if she asked him to dance unless she requests otherwise.
13). Compliments:
Acknowledge other people’s accomplishments. Praise your partner or another couple for executing a complicated ballroom step. If there is a competition, congratulate the winning couple.
14. Modesty:
Maintain respect for personal space and boundaries. Keep your hands above the hips and no vulgar dancing.
Sources:
dancefeverstudios.com/ballroom-dance-etiquette/
Proper Etiquette While Ballroom Dancing (thespruce.com)
by backtobasicsmanners | Dec 20, 2020 | Uncategorized
by Deborah Joy Block, Certified Etiquette Consultant
- Bring a gift.
- Be respectful of the host's schedule.
- Let them know when you're arriving and leaving.
- Observe house rules Ex. removing shoes indoors, use coasters
- Be helpful. Ex. offer to help wash the dishes, make/strip the bed or take out the trash.
- Offer to pay for a meal or make a meal for the host.
- Leave your space cleaner than before.
- Make sure to say thank you!
- Sends an RSVP.
- Arrives on Time. Call if you are going to be late.
- Never brings an uninvited plus one.
- Always brings a host gift.
- Isn't afraid to mingle.
- Knows when to leave.
- Be clear about the duration of your stay in advance.
- Don't show up unannounced.
- Follow house rules
- Limit your phone use.
- Behave modestly.
- Be self sufficient if staying for an extended period of time. Inform hosts of your schedule. Keep reasonable hours.
- Bring your own toiletries for extended stays.
- Offer to bring something.
- Stay off your phone.
- Compliment the home and the food.
- Approach pets with permission first.
- Replace toilet paper roll if you finish it, use air freshener in bathroom and turn off the lights when done .
- Immediately offer to compensate or replace an item that you break.
- No feet on the furniture.
- Don't touch the temperature thermostat or lighting. Politely request that it be adjusted.
Sources:
https://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/good-guest.html
https://www.themandagies.com/how-to-be-a-good-house-guest/
https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/work-life-etiquette/manners/houseguest
https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-be-a-good-guest-36650304
by backtobasicsmanners | Nov 11, 2014 | Uncategorized
by Deborah Joy Block, Director of Back to Basics Social Graces for Program
Have you heard of the fable about the Emperor with no clothes? He travels through his kingdom making proclamations but his omission obscures his message. Unaware of his nakedness and with nobody daring to inform him, his nonverbal communication speaks volumes. Watching the Homecoming King and Queen, a newly married couple or the First Couple at the Inauguration ball to the "bear hug sway" for their First Dance debut is equally awkward. These couples are royalty for the day and the dance floor spotlight is the most visibly dynamic kick off to the gala which officially invites all the other attendees to join the festivities on the dance floor. In this comparison, both the Emperor and the couples being spotlighted have missed the opportunity to put their best foot forward.
Stepping through the dance studio door and admitting you need lessons to be able to dance as a partnership with someone else doesn't occur to most teens and is often the hardest part for people, especially males. For those who rarely have dance training in childhood. I ask them what their alternative plan is, and they respond, "The high school prom sway." I suggested that before settling on a decision, they should videotape themselves and see if they can last the full length (a typical song is 3:45) without feeling bored or awkward, then watch the full-length dance on video from their guest's perspective too.
According to proper etiquette, The First Dance is a formal obligation of hosts to open up the dance floor for the rest of the guests to feel welcome and comfortable to dance and set the tone for the festivities. It is also the epitome of the Cinderella/Prince Charming moment at their ball. Unfortunately, many don't realize that the awkward high school prom sway for 4 minutes in front of 200 people is not a desirable alternative to skipping dance lessons. Cutting the "bear hug sway" down to 90 seconds isn't fooling anyone either. It just says that you are all dressed up with no place to go. There are countless reasons a person can conjure up to talk him/herself out of dance lessons but for every reason not to there are double the reason to go for it!
The dance lessons are a vulnerable space where couples learn about themselves and their partnership and where they learn appropriate boundaries or respectful physical contact unlike twerking, bump and grind or freaking which are not only degrading but will get teens kicked out of the prom by chaperones. The dance lessons actually benefit and bleed into all of the above areas in useful ways that can be incorporated as a life skill for future occassions besides the prom. Can you imagine a speech with no microphone for all of the audience to be able hear? Unthinkable. Dance moves give voice to the First Dance and elevate the music to a higher level. So face the music and dance!
Deborah Joy Block is the Founder and Director of Back to Basics Social Graces Youth Program. Block's company has taught over 10,000 students of all ages. Block is most known for being the premier national expert on wedding dance preparation and founded the nation's first wedding dance company called The Wedding Dance Specialists, which has attracted celebrity couples and national media attention. Deborah Block is available for guest blogging, interviews, and to teach on or off-site social skills programs.
by backtobasicsmanners | Oct 28, 2012 | Uncategorized
by Kimberly Irwin
When you watch a movie or read a book which are the parts you remember the most distinctly? The beginning and the end ofcourse! That’s why first impressions are crucial when forming new relationships and leave a lasting impression. Whether you are meeting a new potential employer, new friend or love interest, the principles remain the same. Here are some general guidelines to helping you achieve the best possible first impression every time. Here are some key tips to make a great first impression!
1. Be confident: confidence is always key. If you’re not proud of who you are, why would anyone want to be around you?
2. Be a good listener: avoid dominating too much of the conversation. Allow other people to speak and ask for their opinions. Others will appreciate that you took the time to listen to what they have to say.
3. Make eye contact: eye contact shows that you’re engaged in the conversation and are an active participant in it.
4. Dress well: grooming. If you look nice, people will generally have a more positive impression of you. Meet with a stylist to create the perfect “look” that represents your signature style!
5. Be honest: People can tell when you are being sincere and genuine.
6. Be respectful: Always be respectful. There is nothing more off putting than a rude person.
7. Use the other person’s name: People love to hear their own names. It makes others feel special and valued.
8. Be humble: Humility is a highly admired quality in a person. Avoid bragging about yourself or constantly trying to be the center of attention.
9. Be at eye level with the person you are speaking to. If they are standing, you should stand and vice versa.
10. Always rise when being introduced to someone new especially someone older or higher rank.
11. Hygiene: make sure your nails, hair, hands, face, ears and teeth are clean and presentable and your clothes are fresh and laundered. Deodorant is a MUST.
12. Open up a conversation with a compliment: not only is it the perfect icebreaker but making someone feel good with a compliment is one of the kindest gestures and can make someone’s entire day! Often, people feel ignored or anonymous and you have the power to make them feel special and noticed!
13. Offer to help someone: another great ice breaker and a foot into the door of someone’s heart is to take the time to volunteer your assistance or loan someone something that they need. This is especially shocking as a stranger will be tremendously grateful and pleasantly surprised that you were so generous and helpful. The gesture says a lot about you and it also inspires others to pay it forward and be kind to others.
14. Listen: sometimes just lending a caring ear and empathizing with someone is just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes your calm presence and focused attention can even be powerful enough to save a life.
15. Make something home made instead of store bought or host someone in your home instead of meeting at a restaurant: time is money and this gesture demonstrates that the person’s company is valuable enough to you to invest the time. Priceless!
16. Table manners: if you are making your dining companion nauseous by licking your fingers, picking up crumbs and eating them, chewing with your mouth open, talking with your mouth full, slurping your drink, hitting your utensils against your teeth, leaning on the table or holding your drink with both hands they will not be able to even look at you let alone connect with you.
Keep these tips in mind to get started off on the right foot in personal and professional interactions. And remember, you only have one chance to make a great first impression!
