by backtobasicsmanners | Nov 24, 2020 | Uncategorized
You are great! Your very existence is a miracle and you have innate value and worth. You are a spark of the Divine. Everything you do impacts the world so make your unique contribution proudly without comparing yourself with others. Nurture yourself because you deserve the self care. You are loved. You are worthy and you matter! Strive for greatness and when you encounter failure, know that challenges and struggles chisel your character into a diamond. Here are a few descriptions of greatness:
Doing what needs to be done might not make you happy but it will make you great - George Bernard Shaw
Realizing your full potential on this planet and doing what makes you happy to the best of your ability - Charlemagne Tha God, radio host
Greatness is the process of becoming better through education and awareness. - Jericho Brown
Greatness is staying in the race and committing to the chase. Pursue perfection! - Mathew McConaughey
Even if you fall down - you get up and keep going, move forward and challenge yourself to do better tomorrow. - Kati Morton
Greatness is being able to impact people in a positive way. - Dr Jason Fung
Greatness is the one who stays calmest wins. - Whitney Cummings.
Greatness is someone who can do the most difficult thing in the world with the greatest of ease. - Mike Tyson
Greatness is being able to say yes to the following question: would we miss you if you weren't here? - Seth Godin
You are loved. You are worthy. You are great! It's time to go out there and do something great! - Louis Howe, School of Greatness
by backtobasicsmanners | Nov 20, 2020 | Uncategorized
by Deborah Joy Block, Certified Life Coach
Happy people earn more money, are more creative, have more successful marriages, learn faster, live longer, are predisposed to self discipline and self mastery, are more enthusiastic, tend to be more religiously observant, recover from illness faster, are more generous and are better leaders.
Material blessings are a gift from G-d but not the only vehicle to happiness. Money does affect your happiness and it expands your options up to a certain point. However, in the US the rates of depression have dramatically increased since the 1960s while le levels of material prosperity are on the rise. The reason is perspective and values. We've become so accustomed to our blessings and come to expect them. There is a lack of appreciation. Also a sense of community support has been eroded with the decrease in unifying values such as the nuclear family, etiquette, patriotism and charity.
Happiness is ultimately your frame of mind and perspective. It is an intentional thought process. The city of happiness is found in the state of mind. Whether you think you can or think you can't boils down to your mindset. It is a choice. Remember the good times, stay optimistic and compare down. Things can always be worse. The key is to enjoy your material blessings and have an attitude of gratitude. Rituals like writing in a gratitude journal, verbally expressing prayers of thanks and giving charity augment feelings of satisfaction. It's not about waiting for the sun to shine, it's about dancing in the rain.
Here are some quotes about happiness:
"Happiness is not doing fun things. Happiness is doing meaningful things." - Maxime Lagace
"Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness." - Steve Maraboli
"If you aren't grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more." - Roy T Bennet
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Here is a viral poem by Chanie Gorkin about how perspective impacts your mood. The complex poem contains a surprise. From top to bottom it reads negatively, but when read in reverse the message drastically changes.
The poem reads:
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be attained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say
Today was a very good day
Now read it from bottom to top, the other way,
And see what I really feel about my day.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
Source: Code to Joy -The Rohr Jewish Learning Institute
by backtobasicsmanners | Oct 21, 2020 | Uncategorized
by Deborah Joy Block, Certified Relationship Coach, Matchmaker, Wedding Planner & National Wedding Dance Expert
At first glance finding the perfect relationship can seem daunting and complex but really it boils down to values. Singles sometimes get caught up in superficial criteria such as appearance, income, education or geography but all of those factors can change. A more permanent fixture is someone’s personality or character. Initial chemistry and lust may start on a physical level but lasting love is generally created by the way someone makes us feel and how they treat us. The following four attributes are crucial characteristics from which all other traits originate. If you meet someone with all of these traits there is a strong chance you will feel a love connection:
1. Kindness – Is the person generous, thoughtful, warm and sincere?
Questions: What charities are you involved with or donate to? Describe a random act of kindness that you’ve demonstrated?
2. Optimistic – Does the person generally have a positive outlook on life?
Question: Describe a recent challenge and how you handled it?
3. Intellectually Curious – Is the person open to learning new things and growing?
Questions: What books have you read lately? Have you taken any classes?
4. Spiritual – Is the individual moral and humble before their Creator regardless of a specific religion?
Questions: Do you believe in a power higher than yourself? Do you believe in the Ten commandments and the Golden Rule?
5. Respect - The way someone treats you and how they make you feel is extremely important. Respect is the foundation for any good relationship.
Observations: Do they speak to you and others in a respectful tone? Do they listen or interrupt? Do they ask questions or monopolize the conversation? Are they bossy and domineering or supportive and empowering?
If you meet someone with these qualities, hold on tight! You have found someone very special and the chemistry will likely ignite!
by backtobasicsmanners | Oct 21, 2020 | Uncategorized
A routine is a personal tool and form of self care that helps you stay organized and accountable. It improves your productivity and inspires you to stay on track. Here is a sample routine:
Get 8 hours sleep. Wake up 3 hours before your work day
Say a morning gratitude prayer and write in a gratitude journal and give charity.
Make the bed
Exercise - 6 days a week
Hot & Cold Shower
Dress - consider hiring a stylist to design a capsule wardrobe so you can efficiently shop your closet
Breakfast - eat organic and homemade, avoid processed foods
Daily commute - ride a bike or walk to work for extra exercise, listen to audio books or a podcast, create to do list, write thank you notes, write in a "push" journal, watch a documentary or read during your commute to work or work remotely to save time, money and energy
Work
Lunch break - eat, meditation, yoga stretches, power nap, network, go for a walk in nature
Work
Gratitude prayer and eat dinner - network or socialize with others
Evenings and weekends - Take a break from technology an hour before bed, hobby, charity work, Side Hustle, Spirituality, Light Housework, Family Time, Soothing bath with dead sea salt or epsom salt. Hire a cleaning service to outsource heavy housework or do it yourself and invest the savings. Batch meals and freeze them on the weekends in advance, use a slow cooker or get meal kits to streamline meal preparation. Get weekly deep tissue massages. Take at least one day off from work each week.
Bedtime - Read a book, meditate, yoga stretches, night time prayer
by backtobasicsmanners | Oct 10, 2018 | Uncategorized
Child Safety: Toxic Media Exposure: Baldi Cartoon Review
You've heard the expression: Garbage in, garbage out. That is what a lot of the mainstream cartoons offer your child. Garbage values replete with conditioned responses, desensitization, shortened attention spans, agitation, violent tendencies and psychological grooming. When it comes to feeding your child's brain and values there is no grey. Either the programming has a positive and educational value or it is mindless and often subversive. Think about WHO is writing the script and what their purpose is and be very DELIBERATE is selecting what media your child has access to. If you don't have the time to research quality programming, unplug your child and encourage your child to play outdoors, get a hobby, visit the library, join a club or read a book.
Your child can access these cartoons for free on YouTube. I have not seen the video game nor watched many of these Baldi cartoons but just three was enough to signal red flags and make me very uncomfortable with the idea of sharing these cartoons with impressionable children. Some of the Baldi cartoons come with a disclaimer warning that it is a horror show but not all. Regardless, it is far more insidious than most would assume. As a social skills and etiquette coach I think this is a gratuitously dark, toxic, violent and negative cartoon for ALL kids and is particularly inappropriate where faith based education is a priority for programming. It's not like Superman where the star character has a positive goal to save humanity and has a couple of violent fights and wins against evil villains. Baldi depicts role models of authority like teachers and parents as the villain and glorifies killing them or disrespecting them as a victory while nonstop violence every 30 seconds like clockwork IS the storyline. This subversive cartoon and animation game sends subliminal and often very obvious messaging encouraging sadistic and anarchistic behavior but Baldi also includes hints at or blatantly depicts child abuse, pedophilia and suicide.
I spoke with one pre-teen child who watched this cartoon and sympathized with the abusive teacher who was beating students with rulers. The child said it reminded him of domestic violence in his family. The violence also inspired him to be abusive toward his own mother and he later exhibited suicidal ideation and planning. He discouraged me from watching the cartoon with him because he said he knew I wouldn't like it. Very confusing for children. If your child is struggling with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, drug abuse, suicidality then this Baldi cartoon is particularly dangerous as it depicts suicide and child abuse.
So many adults are desensitized to foul language, hypersexuality, subliminal messaging and violence because they expose themselves to it so much that they may struggle to effectively shield their children from it. Parents may also feel guilt that if they are watching toxic programming then they are being hypocritical by not allowing their children to do so as well. The bottom line is there are MILLIONS of positive activities all of us can be focused on without self medicating with negative media and exposing our children to it.
For those parents who want faith based programming for their children, Baldi's cartoon emphasizes pagan traditions of zombies and a fixation on death which encourages an atmosphere of violence and corrupts a spiritual soul. There is gratuitous and graphic violence every 30 seconds while pretending to teach a math lesson. Thus teaching children an aversion to Math. Other disturbing aspects of the cartoons (which are inspired by a video game) are the use of foul language like "Sh*t" and taking the Lord's name in vain. A red pentagram reminiscent of pagan, neo-pagan and Satanic symbols.
Children deserve to have an innocent childhood for healthy brain development. There are so many positive curriculum and entertainment options that the goal should be to saturate one's child with empowering and positive programming not this mindless and insidious drivel. For example, google "homeschooling resources" or "homeschooling cartoons" and free educational, entertaining and fun videos are available like the one below that teaches children basic concepts about being responsible with money. The key to beating a bad habit is to replace it with a good one and to CAREFULLY screen EVERYTHING your child views FIRST. Your child will be addicted to all of the positivity and brain stimulating lessons in no time - they just need you to show them where to look!!
Compare the first good example video with the poor one below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_Jni0BBhpI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wQXNlhprv0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wQXNlhprv0
by backtobasicsmanners | Feb 15, 2018 | Uncategorized
Whether you are asking for a raise at work or requesting that your spouse be more considerate at home, life is a negotiation. “Uncomfortable” conversations will be more effective if they are structured and premeditated rather than improvised. Here are a few guidelines that can help you navigate the tense terrain.
- Schedule a time for the conversation – don’t drop a bomb on someone when they least expect it or catch them at an inconvenient time when they will brush you off. Find a time that is mutually conducive to both parties so everyone will be receptive and set aside the time.
- Establish ground rules: Communication should not be a free for all chaotic endeavor that results in verbal abuse and hurt feelings or worse. Techniques such as “I messages”, active listening, no interrupting, taking notes, write down points of agreement/compromise, stick to a timetable, stick to the subject
- Schedule a followup meeting to discuss the progress of all topics raised
- Schedule a separate meeting for unrelated topics
- Don’t carry the conversation over past the meeting time.
- Use consistent eye contact and a neutral tone of voice and body language.
Here are a few articles about effective communication skills:
https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/9-effective-communication-skills/
https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/engaged-feedback-checklist-by-dr-brene-brown/
https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm